In Response to “Dear Stay-At-Home Moms, Shut the Eff Up”

Blonde Mommy is pissed

Blonde Mommy is pissed

Your blog post sincerely pisses me off. But probably not for the reason you think.

What I find tremendously annoying about your post is the fact that you clearly wrote it to get generic hits to your blog.  You are obviously seeking attention (insecure much?).  “Look at me and how perfect I am!  You should give me a pat on the back because I am doing such a great job at not complaining!”  Being a bully was the best material you could come up with.  I hate that it went viral, and I hate that I am even participating in this.  But I feel compelled to be the voice for a lot of women you so arrogantly offended and somehow simultaneously ignored.  I became infuriated when I read your words.  Not because of what you said…because you’re not wrong.  A lot of us are major complainers and need to bring it down a notch (or 20).  I am super guilty of this myself, and it is a daily struggle for me.  I’ve tried to spin my negativity into humor, which is how I personally cope with stress.  But not everyone feels comfortable being so vocal about their struggles, especially when society expects us to walk around life gracious and smiling, so thankful for these blessings that rob us of our minds, bodies, and sleep in a way we never knew possible.  Just to be clear, I am so incredibly thankful that I’m the one who gets to witness my son’s “firsts.”  Just today I got to watch him proudly stand on his own for the first time and it was beautiful.  I’m so thankful that I’m the one he reaches for when he’s sad, tired or gets a boo boo.  I’m immensely grateful that I get to be this person, and not a nanny or daycare worker. That being said…

In this post I will be speaking for the moms you ignored.  The moms who are silently suffering.  Suffering from postpartum depression and anxiety.  Suffering from abuse.  Suffering from immense guilt for not embracing motherhood and their SAHM status as a privilege and luxury, and not understanding why they feel this way.  Suffering from the pressure from society to look and act a certain way.  Suffering from the glaring judgement of moms like yourself, who ignore the warning signs of bigger issues and just bitch about their friends being whiney.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe your whiney friends issues are not actually with their yoga pants being covered in snot or their hampers full of dirty clothes that don’t say thank you when washed?  If you have a friend who is complaining A LOT, it’s very likely this person is trying desperately to talk to you about a bigger issue.  HELLO!  She might be depressed, or confused about her feelings, or having a really hard time adjusting to the MAJOR LIFE CHANGE that is motherhood.  Her faithful husband might not be a cheater, but he might be a beater.  He might call her stupid and worthless and make her feel like the smallest piece of nothing on earth.  Or maybe he is a cheater for all you know.  That beautiful house you see might be a source of major financial stress.  It might feel like jail to her.  She might be freaking out about how they’re going to continue making the mortgage payments because they suddenly have a load of medical bills on the way that you weren’t aware of.  Things are not always as they seem.  But omg, you are so right.  Her life looks a certain way, so she should just stop complaining and walk around like a Lulu Lemon clad robot saying on repeat “I am so blessed.  I have a faithful husband, gorgeous and healthy children, a beautiful home, and I am fortunate enough to stay at home and enjoy my blessings.”  You should definitely not ask if there is something more going on that she would like to get off her chest. I mean that.  After reading your article, you are definitely the wrong person to ever attempt to open up to.  I hope your friends realize this before they’ve sufficiently embarrassed themselves trying to bravely reach out for your support, thinking you’re a friend.

Also I just LOVE your reference to knowing what a bad day is.  You think your child having a fever of 103 is a bad day?  That is nothing.  People have real problems honey.  For some kids, catching the common cold can be a life or death situation.  Some people’s bad days involve finding out their kids have a terminal illness.  Or running out of gas on the side of the road with their little ones in the back, and being too broke to refill the tank.  Or waking up every morning struggling with the knowledge that they should be thankful for another day and all the blessings it brings, but not understanding why their brain won’t let them think that way.

Your narrow-mindedness is scary.  It’s frightening enough that simple-minded people like yourself walk around in society…self-absorbed, self-righteous and completely oblivious to the world around them.  But even more terrifying is the fact that you have 24/7 access to an audience…an audience who is absorbing everything you do and say like a sponge.  An audience who wants to be just like you and will turn into a version of you when they grow up.  You are sending a message to your children that not only is it ok to judge, but you are most definitely better than these people and should treat them accordingly.

The fact of the matter is that you and I are two very different moms.  We represent two very different groups of people.  You spoke for your people, I’m speaking for mine.  So…YAY!  Here’s a big pat on your back mom!  Pin a rose on your nose!  Congratulations, you don’t complain!  Except of course, for that time you wrote an entire article complaining about people who do complain.  You do such an amazing job at ignoring your friends real problems and instead blowing them up on the internet!  You are doing a GREAT JOB at teaching your kids to be ignorant judgmental members of society just like yourself!  Thank God there are moms like you out there rolling your perfect eyes while some of us struggle with serious issues!  HOORAY FOR YOU!

The bunch of nonsense I’m responding to in this blog can be found here.

10 thoughts on “In Response to “Dear Stay-At-Home Moms, Shut the Eff Up”

  1. I’m sorry but you just don’t get it. Quit complaining and start counting your blessings. If you can’t do that, you need help.

  2. Claire- Maybe I don’t get it. But clearly, neither do you. It seems you missed the point of my response. Depression is very real. Unfortunately, so is the denial that it exists. Just because some people suffer from a chemical imbalance that causes them to have rough days, does not mean for one second that they don’t count their blessings. I’m not encouraging people to complain nonstop. I’m actually encouraging those who get annoyed by the complaining to recognize that there might be a bigger underlying issue and try to support their friend and find out what’s really going on.

    • It sounds to me like she has offered a listening ear, support and positivity to her friends and family on many, many occasions. How do you know her advice didn’t include a recommendation for her friend to consult a mental health professional? I imagine it may have and it was ignored (which has been my experience). Some people choose to complain rather than make positive changes in their lives. Some people would complain REGARDLESS…they are stuck in a victim mentality and can’t get out. It is exhausting to continue offering suppprt and positivity to such a person, no matter how much you love him or her. Why has this article got you so “pissed”? Guilty much? I’m sure your friends and family love you and want to be there to encourage and support you. However, please understand you’re building up walls around yourself. It’s not your friends’ responsibilities to solve your life’s problems for you. Financial problems? Quit living above your means. Marital problems? Try counseling or if you truly hate/fear your spouse, divorce. There are people in the world literally starving to death, mothers who want to nurse their babies who face obstacles such as malnutrition, unclean water, etc., who look into the eyes of their crying infants with helplessness. So, shut the eff up! 😉 Be thankful and take some personal responsibility for your happiness.

      • Hey guys, look at Claire! She just wakes up in the morning, rolls over to check her phone and has all the simple solutions to your little problems!
        Maybe in real life she did give her friends advice and try to be a listening ear. But guess what she did on the World Wide Web? Told them to “stop knocking on my door with your greasy hair and caffeine withdrawals.” Like I said before, the point of what she says is not wrong. We need to watch the complaining because it becomes a bad habit and makes some people think we aren’t thankful for our blessings. But if she really wanted to encourage people to make a positive change, she would’ve written an entirely different article. She wanted to offend people to get hits to her blog, nothing else. I don’t respect that.

  3. What makes me mad about that girl’s blog is that she is clearly not a supporter of other Moms. After becoming a mother, I have so much more empathy for others and always try to be a support system for my fellow Moms. We are all in this together! So glad you spoke up Miquel!

    • To the commenter above (Claire) – wow, you certainly have it all figured out! Just go to counseling! Except not everyone has a counseling center nearby, or can afford $100/hr for however many sessions it takes, or can find or afford childcare to allow her to go, or has a spouse supportive of it. Oh, then just get a divorce! Right, because that’s easy, inexpensive, and comes with no emotional baggage either. Quit living above your means! Your means do not support medical care for your child with cancer or disabilities, so just don’t pay for it – easy peasy. Your husband has a graduate degree and works in a noble profession that he is passionate about, good at and helps people, but it just barely pays enough to cover the basics? He should just quit and get a job that pays more right? As the original post said, not everything is as easy as “just make positive changes and your problems will be solved!”

  4. And what is the purpose of my comments here? To get hits to my blog? To offend you? No. No. A one on one attempt to “wake you up” has not helped. And, will not (until/unless you have a major attitude adjustment). And, that’s why the author of that article is telling folks like you to stop knocking on her door. You don’t listen to constructive advice. All you do is complain. You’re a lost cause in your present mentality. I will be smiling at the end of the day. Will you? My life isn’t perfect but I choose to focus on the positive and take ACTION to change things that stand in my way. I sincerely hope you will do the same. [And, btw, “thetapps” writing style in the comments above is very similar to yours…no need to make up additional commenters to respond to me to prove your rightness (“insecure much?”)…this was my final comment.]

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