As some of you know I try to make jokes to cope with stressful situations and when something really starts pushing me over the edge, I try to avoid dealing with it by writing a silly poem (completely normal behavior).  Ironically, sometimes it even helps me find a little perspective about the situation.  Anyways, that happened at about 1am today after nursing my son for 5 hours in yet another fruitless attempt to get him to sleep.  This one’s not so silly…and certainly not my best work…but I’m sure many can relate.

{Clears throat, begin reading in posh British accent}:

Oh my sweet angel baby

Why don’t you sleep?

Are you hot?  Cold?  Hungry?

Did you lose count of sheep?

Your mommy is so tired,

It’s been a very long day.

We’ve been up since the crack of dawn

Because you wanted to play.

I love you so dearly

With every ounce of my soul

Would it be too much to ask

For a nights rest in full?

I’ve been nursing you for hours

To bring you comfort and calm

But nothing is working

And mommy’s starting to yawn.

I’m new at this my baby

It’s the hardest job I’ve had

You didn’t come with instructions

And it kills me to see you sad.

Have patience with me baby

As I learn to navigate these ropes

And while I’ll certainly fail at many things

For my love you’ll never have to hope.

One day you’ll grow up

Maybe move far away

I’ll lay in my bed

And dream of this day.

I’ll wish for the memory

Of a long sleepless night

With my sweet son in my arms

Snuggled up tight.

So tonight I’ll embrace it

And wash the frustration away

As I wipe tiny tears from your cheeks

You need your mommy, so right here I’ll stay.

Ever since my little snickerdoodle was born, I’ve had this crazy irrational paranoia that something will happen to me and he will never know me.  Morbid, I know!  More importantly, I’m terrified he won’t know how unbelievably much I love him.  I’ve been doing my best to keep up with entries in his baby book, but I’m not sure knowing the exact date he rolled over for the first time will convey the amazing, overwhelming and all-consuming love I have for him!  SO, during one of my endless google searches for something ridiculous like “why is my baby’s poop a slight honey instead of mustard color,” I came across an idea that I fell in love with…

  SEND YOUR BABY EMAILS.

Maybe it sounds ridiculous to you…don’t care!  I love the idea and I’m doing it.  I wish I had started it sooner!  There were so many special moments and memories that we shared when I was pregnant, and during his first few days/weeks/months and now I don’t remember hardly any of them.  People told me to write things down in a journal but quite frankly I would like to know what alter universe they lived in where they had time to handwrite journal entries in between round the clock nursing, getting absolutely no sleep, taking 15 minutes to successfully tinkle and eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in one bite.  So this is my solution for preserving the memories and sharing them with my little man in real time.  I’ve gotta tell ya…I think it’s even helped take the edge off a little postpartum anxiety situation I had going on there for a bit.  My initial goal was to shoot him a message daily…but let’s get real.  I would also like to shower daily, relax with a cup of hot coffee while I read the paper and eat a meal slow enough to actually taste the food.  I just do it when I can!

If you’re trying to function on inhumanely low amounts of sleep like I am, here are the steps for emailing your nugget…warning, it is VERY COMPLICATED:

Step 1: Set up an email account

I went with Gmail, because there’s no telling what the internet will be in 18 years but I’m willing to bet Google will be a part of it.

Step 2: Start emailing your babe!

I send Pax little notes about his personality, how much I love him, what we do during the day and things going on in our lives.  I also send him pictures and videos so he can see how darn cute he is!  And that’s about it my friends.  On his 18th birthday I’ll give him the email address and password.  Hopefully I’ll be here so we can laugh at my typos, reminisce the stories and watch the videos together…but if not, then my only wish is that through these messages he can hear my voice and feel my love for him!